2:10 am - Wednesday October 18, 2017

Leaving Your Responsibilities For Others; (How You Didn’t Know You Have Failed Society As A Mother)

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How You Didn't Know You Failed Society As A Mother;

How You Didn’t Know You Failed Society As A Mother; So I wrote a post earlier about the impact of broken homes on the children involved precisely how when a woman walks out on her marriage and leaves her children behind, that brings an adverse effect that is almost incurable not only on the children but also the whole of society as the constructive contributions of these children to their world is hampered. (Before You Walk Out On That Marriage & Leave Your Children Unprotected)

The first piece had its emphasis predominantly on the girl child.

Today, my emphasis will be on the boy child. However, my analysis will cover both sexes.

Statistics over the years indicate that on average, we have as high as over 70% of rape cases around the world and over 30% in Africa alone.

The average African woman or mother predominantly raises children with the mentality that household chores are for the girl child while the boy child is almost always left alone to watch TV in the parlor or play around the whole period his sister is up and about. He maybe occasionally called upon to give a helping hand but on average, he assumes the role of “the man of the house” from infancy till he grows up and this is deeply rooted in his mentality that he is to be served almost always at the expense of his sister.

In the same vein, from the moment children start approaching the age of puberty, sex education begins for the girl child and it is usually very tough, but also wrongly done.

Negative images, pictures and or threat of punishment are painted or often used as tools or deterrents for sex education thereby instilling fear in the child. This is done at the expense of concentrating efforts on explaining the real reasons things must be done in their proper places sex inclusive and the rewards, results and or benefits of doing things right. This in my opinion, is a more compelling reason for anyone to want to do or not do a thing depending on which side of the coin.

The girl child is threatened with all sort, should she engage in early sex and get pregnant unwantedly. In some instances, where all of these threats fall on deaf ears or maybe, when the wrong approach has yielded the much dreaded result, the child in question looses her right of place in the family and may even be compelled into an arranged marriage where she has no connection whatsoever and will float throughout life just so the family name can be preserved or so we think.

While all of the above is the dilemma of the girl child, her brother on the other hand is allowed to freestyle as he wants because he is a boy and no one sees how his actions or the consequences thereof can cause any harm or bring any shame to the family.

I have actually heard a mother say to her daughter that;

“Whatever Junior does will not bring pregnancy or an unwanted child home but you have a womb and for that, you will, should we sit quiet and do nothing”.

In other words, since the consequences of Junior’s actions will not be felt or seen by you his immediate family, it is okay to let Junior do as he pleases.

And my obvious response to such is; there is a Junior in someone else’s house who if he is been raised the way you are raising your Junior, who knows? He will find your daughter whom you think you are educating right. And even if he does not give your daughter an unwanted pregnancy, he may end up as her husband with no values whatsoever.

Your daughter may escape unwanted pregnancy but maybe, will have to live her entire life with an uncultured Junior who will produce children out of his matrimonial home and care less about the impact of his actions on his family.

Can you see the chain of events in the negative as a result of failure in the fundamental places?

More than that, the son you allowed to grow up doing as he wants is the same person who will by chance, occupy key positions in the society as a grown man and show no regard for any values or principles whatsoever. He is the same person who will get into political positions and because you did not raise him right, take what isn’t rightly his’ and see nothing wrong with his actions no matter what harm his actions cause.

The man who will see a young woman he has no ties with whatsoever and allow his emotions get the best of him, culminating into rape is someone’s Junior who was allowed to do as he please at a time it was vital for some adult, parents, mother to teach him the right values.

That man who is quick to raise his hands at a woman he claims he loves, a woman who by the way, should be his equal partner, when his secretary, the cleaner or just anyone in the office may have done worse without even a slight show of disapproval from him says one thing very loud of his upbringing;

…That his mother failed where it mattered most…

I said in the other post about the consequences of walking out on your marriage and leaving your children unprotected and I will re-iterate that women are naturally survivors.  Women go through life threatening situations or experiences and find constructive ways to navigate and make it out in one piece.

Women are good at multitasking. It is the reason a single or widowed working mother will still manage to produce a legend for a son or daughter.

While this statement is in no way to demean the abilities and strength of men, a woman is able to see far and see the big picture whether negative or positive from the scratch or from the point of inception to tailor her actions to produce her desired picture/future.

Any woman who has failed in the above analyzed instances has not failed because she has not been gifted to succeed in these areas. She failed because, she neglected to stand watch rightly and do the needful.

The society and or cultured men we crave to have are not products of an abstract reality. They are products of determined deliberate efforts on the part of the most principal element of a holistic society. That element is a deliberate mother’s efforts.

We all have a role to play as mothers whether aspiring or in the making to make our society what we want it to be.

That said, every partner has a role to play and we do have a few cultured men so we need every encouragement we can get from our cultured and principled men.

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