2:08 am - Wednesday October 18, 2017

Before You Walk Out On That Marriage & Leave Your Children Unprotected, Know This;

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Before you ditch your marriage leaving unprotected children, note;

Before you ditch your marriage leaving unprotected children, note; 

The statement; if you stay because of children and he kills you, the same children will attend your burial is the most self-centered statement that can ever be made by a mother, a woman or anyone for that matter.

It is imperative for parents to understand or remember that the choice of a spouse is a choice between two grown up adults who make or at least are supposed to make this choice with their common sense intact. If a man you chose for a life partner is known in the later days of your marriage to be bad for you, I don’t see how that same man you consider bad for you now becomes good enough to leave your children with him under the guise of “he is their father”

Well if he is their father, he is also your husband and last I checked scripture said the bond is to be between you and your spouse so if you whom he should love dearly wake up one day and realize he isn’t capable of doing that where he naturally should be inclined to, how is it that you actually think he can do a good job with the children?

Please do not get me wrong; There are men who will do a fantastic job even better than a mother would with their children when it comes to everyday care and the little details a mother pays attention to. That  I can prove. But am sure some of you reading this piece can attest to that from your own experiences.

That been said, in the instance where a woman finds a man unfit to be under his roof or to share her life with, then it is only natural that you should know he in the same vein you believe can’t treat you right won’t be able to treat the children right.

There is a link to all of it. Nothing in life is taken in isolation. If he loved you enough to share his life with you and raise children together and all of a sudden you have cause to believe he no longer cares for you, then think further than that to believe that your children are or will be save with the same man.

At the very least, if your life is threatened and you feel the need to leave, then the most natural thing to do is to find ways to have your children move with you. Under  no guise whatsoever should you even consider leaving them behind unprotected with a man even you no longer understand and can vouch for.

A woman naturally is a survivor. I know that for a fact. Women see possibilities where most people won’t so no matter the situation, if a man becomes too abusive for you to be within close proximity with him as an adult, then believe me, the last people you want around him unwatched is your young innocent children.

Yes you both are parents over these children but if the situation is true as you present it, then you seem more like the sane/stable person to keep watch over the children at the moment until things stabilize hopefully. But by all means it is very wrong for mothers to walk out on a bad marriage and leave the children behind. It is simply destructive and plain deadly.

And while my emphasis is on mothers because it’s usually the mother who will have to flee for her life, it goes both ways. We also have a few cases of abuse where it is the other way round. The point is the innocent children should not under any circumstances be made victims of these situations.

Except you are the problem in the first place and are just looking for an excuse to leave, it is very unlikely that a man who no longer treats his wife right for no genuine reason will hold the children from that same woman in high regard and give them his best. Ask a psychologist

Today’s broken society is as a result of uncared for, or not properly nurtured children whom parents in their bid to find freedom abandoned. These men are products of children who grew up not properly cared for, who grew up in want of genuine affection and love and who in most instances just grew up instead of been raised by concerned parents with strong values and principles.

Here is a practical case for your analysis;

A man parts ways with his wife, she leaves the only child they have from the marriage with him as he veers off to his mistress’ house. This little girl is withdrawn from school and starts selling at Alaba int’l market for the mistress and this is fine by the father.

But more than that, the step son to the man (the mistress’ son) starts abusing the teenage girl sexually. To make matters worse, she reports to her father and he conveniently tells her to allow him do what he wants. As if this is not devastating enough. One day, not willing to allow the step son rape her, her own father assisted by the mistress help the step son in parting her legs so he can rape her to her shock and disbelieve.

Just when she thinks she has seen the worse, her own father calls her into the house one day when no one is watching  and rapes her, instructing that she keeps quiet about it or he will kill her himself.

Am not even sure the horror on my face is as thick as the one I can imagine on yours… And yes, this is no fiction. This is a true story in Nigeria precisely Lagos.

Now let us move away from this case to your own life, particularly you that your marriage does not seem to be given you joy anymore and divorce has been a consideration

Picture all that we have just analyzed but put the face of your little girl in the picture??? If you are like me, you are probably ready to beat and kill the next male figure within site right now whether it’s a guilty one or not.

But that is what we have done in the past and are still doing, leaving our helpless young children at the mercies of monsters

Imagine that this girl will hopefully survive all of the abuses and grow up into a woman tomorrow. What kind of values do you think she will have? How much of herself do you think she will hold in high esteem?

And believe it or not, most of the beautiful young ladies we hear yielding themselves up for abuse by men are products of such or similar experiences where parents who should protect and teach them better failed them and so they have grown up with no regard or value for self.

The average or greater victim of cases like these is always the woman and a woman having to go through all of these and more is bound to be traumatized and made unstable “if she survives”. Her creativity and productivity no doubt will also be hampered.

While it may seem like it’s a woman’s problem, the truth is that the whole of society is affected if a woman is under-valued and treated wrong. Society at large will be rubbed of her talents and abilities to add value.

The resultant effect of this will always be a failed society.

Never forget that the choices we make have ripple effects not just on us but the people we love and the whole of society.

This is just an angle to the impact of broken homes on children and the community.

Stay tuned for continuation…

See also, See also, See also

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